Be not afraid…

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If there is one thing that my journey has taught me it’s that we always have choices. I’m glad I chose to face everything and rise. A year ago I had no idea that my choice to do Chemo would pretty much cripple me and take a year of my life away from me. But I made the right choice. I sacrificed one year of my life to hopefully see all 3 of my daughters have daughters and live long enough to see my grandchildren have children. Maybe I’m pushing it. The truth is, you never know how much time you have on this earth. You never know what tomorrow may bring. At the end of the day are you happy with the choices you made?

Life is truly a challenge. It is too short to quit, give up or concede. So face everything and rise. As you start this new year, let this be your year to shine.

December 16. 1 year and counting.

img_0241 One year ago today I had my mastectomy.  So much has happened in this past year.   I thought it was a perfect time to tell everyone who has held my hand, hugged me, loved me, cried with me, carried me, prayed for me, drove me, thought of me, cooked for me, brought me food, and saw me through this, Thank-You  from the bottom my heart. ❤️ Without you I would never have made it.  Even if it was a note you wrote,  a text, a card that you sent, or a private message on Facebook, it meant the world to me.

I’m  so grateful and thankful to have you all in my life .  Here’s to 2018.  🍾

Let’s talk about femininity.

If you’ve never had breast cancer and had to have your breasts removed, then you’ll never understand what it means to not feel feminine.   Being stripped of my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes was one thing, but being stripped of your boobs is another.  Oh yeah they’ve been replaced by implants,  (and not by a size that I would have chosen).  Let’s be clear, I didn’t go for a BOOB JOB.  I had Breast Cancer.  There’s only so much they could work with.  So if one more person asks how I like my new boobs, I might just SCREAM.   But don’t take it personally.  I’ll still love ❤️ you.

I am alive.  So thankful and grateful for that because “it could always be worse”. Happy Thanksgiving 🦃 everyone.  God bless you and your families.

 

Turn and face the strange, ch ch changes…

There are many changes going on right now physically and emotionally.

I’m up I’m down.   Challenged, tested and mentally drained.  Physically 😩 exhausted.   There is so much I want to do but once again due to the surgery I’m not doing much of anything.  I can only look and see what needs to be done and I get frustrated by it.  (In case you don’t know, I don’t like to sit still to for too long).  Even grocery shopping is a chore that I can’t do by myself,  unless I buy less than 10 pounds of groceries in one trip.

So maybe it’s a time for reflection.  I look back on my life with few regrets.  A few things that any normal person would have changed.  But I’m not normal by any means.  When I look back I think maybe those things may have made me stronger.   Strong enough to conquer this hard and sometimes unbearable Journey.  Strong enough to understand my fathers words.  Don’t quit.  Be strong.  Do better.  All wise words and life lessons.

So I continue to take each day, one at a time.  And I hope in the end I have taught my daughters those same life lessons.  Don’t quit, be strong and always do better.  No matter what life deals you.

Time may change me but I can’t chase time, I said that time may change me, but I can’t change time…

I can’t erase or change what I’m going through, but I can face it head on, like it or not, and move through it the best I can.

Shine on you Crazy Diamond

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9/26/17.  Tomorrow is reconstructive surgery day and I will be nervous but I know it’ll be fine. It’s been 9 months since my last surgery. Still going to have the chemo treatments till the end of the year six more to go. I’m getting psyched that this will soon be over and I’ll be on my way back to my normal life style.

10/3/2017.  It’s 6 days after my operation and I really feel good. The only thing that still bothering me is this itch. Hard to itch when you can’t raise your arms and of course that’s always where the itch is, where you can’t reach it.  Right?   Almost forgot what it was like to not be able to use my arms. Quite frankly it sucks.

So my new side effect is described to be Brachioradial Pruritus. Guess what? You guessed it, more meds…

Through all of this I’m still trying to Shine On…

Poison Ivy, Poison Ivy…

I’ve developed yet another side effect.  No, not poison ivy, but a stinging itchy symptom that just won’t quit.  They are comparing it to Fibremialgia.  Nerve endings.  No visible rash, nothing seems to stop it.  Not even calamine lotion.  11am, 3pm, 3am it doesn’t matter.  It comes on like a wave, and does not stop.  This itch is a bitch!

“Well late at night when you’re sleeping 🌒poison ivy comes a creeping all around.  Measles make you bumpy and mumps’ll make you lumpy
And chicken pox’ll make you jump and twitch
A common cold’ll cool you but whooping cough’ll fool you
But poison ivy’s gonna make you itch
You’re gonna need an ocean 🌊
Of calamine lotion
You’ll be scratching like a hound
The minute you start to mess around.”